09/12/06

This past week I have been reading the bible and different worship books.  I have been praying so much and have had so many questions and uncertanties drifting in my mind, but as I read more I feel that God is answering all my uncertanties.  My husband has been especially a comfort to me these past few days.  A few verses that has uplifted me or given me guidance are the following:

 Do Not Boast About Tomorrow

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow.  For what is your life?  It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanicshes away.  Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”  But now you boast in your arrogance.  All such boasting is evil. 

Therefore, to him who knows to do good and dows not do it, to him it is sin.  (James 4:11-17)

I really needed to hear this because I am always trying to figure out my future, where I’ll be next year, in five years, ten and so on.  Its good to have a goal, but life is unpredictable and things come up.  I am really praying that God will give my husband and I wisdom to make the right choices in creating a solid and goood foundation for our family so that the results will be to our best advantage in everyway. 

09/09/06

I realised something this evening.  God can only take you so far, then its up to you to go further, stay where your at, or fall behind.  I don’t want to live my life feeling like I’ve made everyone else happy except myself.  I learned a long time ago not to depend on anyone for happiness.  I used to think, “if I could only make someone else’s life happy, bring meaning to their life, then…”  I don’t know, then I’de be happy just to know that I’ve made someone else’s life happy.  But what has happened is that I have left myself behind. 

One thing though is I hold no regrets in my life.  I have always followed my heart and I wouldn’t be who I am today without going through the trials of my past.  I haven’t by any means made all the right choices, but I don’t ever wonder “What if…” because I also know that I am here where I am for a reason, a purpose, and that I am in the right time and era.  Someone reading this probably will think I am double talking or not making any sense… 

09/09/06

This is my first blog.  My husband started blogging and I have been debating for a while whether or not to post my thoughts.  Its a little scary to have your personal thoughts viewed by anyone, but on the other hand its a nice way to vent out my feelings. 

I feel real sad right now, but instead of crying myself to sleep like I usually do, I am writing out my frustrations.  I try not to feel sorry for myself, and have faith in God.  I was reading Hebrews today in the bible.  I have been reading that book for the last couple of weeks and today I finished all the chapters.  I had tears in my eyes when reading the last few chapters.  It reminded me of all the people who have suffered for believing in Jesus.  All the persecutions that are unimaginable, painful, and unthinkable.  It helped me to pull myself out of this pity party I was throwing for myself in my head.